Sweet 16

To write "It's been awhile" would be the largest understatement I could make. It's been 16 years. 16 years!! That's right. You're 16 years old today. I can hardly believe it. I feel like I blinked and here we are. You're a young woman. No longer my little girl (although you'll always be my baby). When I first started this blog you were a newborn. I always hoped to write in it as a life update but as things do, time goes on and plans often slip away. However, in the back of my mind I always knew I wanted to give you these on your 16th birthday. I had enough foresight to know my memory would fail me as the years went on. I couldn't remember all the details of your birth but reading these entries bring back so many wonderful memories. Each one filled with love and adoration for you. 

These past 16 years have been filled with a lot of laughter, growing experiences, terrible dad jokes, fights, tears, prayers, and most importantly, love. All the things in my original letters have came true! I wanted you to be the kind of person that loves others; and you are. I wanted you to be the kind of person that loved Jesus; and you are! I wanted you to be the kind of person that saw people's hearts and didn't discriminate against others; and you are. Since you were a little girl, you have been someone who always thought of others. You are a natural caretaker. You are a natural empath. You genuinely care about other people, often at the expense of yourself. You have always been someone who would give the shirt off your back for someone else, even when you don't have it to give. I admire that about you. 

Nevaeh, you are such a smart. young woman. You have goals and a drive for life. You are focused and will accomplish so many good things. I couldn't possibly be more proud. 

As you enter this next phase of your life, remember to keep your eyes focused on the Lord. Love people, continue to serve others, and even when bad things happen, you will get through it. Remember character over circumstances. You are so loved! Never forget that!!

Love mom. 

365 days of progress.

Last night Nevaeh asked me a question that got me thinking. The answer surprised me and I thought I’d share with you because chances are you have or you will face an experience similar to this one in your own life. She said, “Did Union fire dad right after camp last year?” Now the question was insignificant and why she was asking I really don’t know but it was the answer that caught us all off guard. In my head I thought back to a year ago and realized that we were on the eve of our lives changing. Many of you don’t know this because Joel and I didn’t really make a big public deal out of it but on June 30^th 2015, exactly one year ago today, the church my husband and I were serving at decided it was best to let him go. They gave a few different reasons ranging from they were hiring in a new senior pastor who was going to bring in his own youth guy, to they didn’t think Joel was happy in his job. The reason didn’t matter anyhow-we were going to part ways and that was that. I can’t tell you much about that day or the few leading up to it (we knew it was coming-we found out Sunday that was the intention of the meeting Tuesday). What I can tell you is how incredibly powerful it was when we invited God to show up. We asked a few friends to join us at the church at 5pm that night and pray over us before our 6pm meeting. I can’t describe the power that was in that room but there were more tears of heartache and anger and finally joy that God provided Joel and I with such a peace over the situation when we went to meet with the 2 elders, it was a peaceful parting. I’ve joked with others saying, if you ever have to get fired from a job-I hope it goes like ours did. We thanked them for allowing us to serve God in that church for the past 7 years. They thanked us-we hugged and parted ways. It was strange walking out feeling relief when we walked in feeling scared. So a year has passed and Nevaeh brings it back to my memory. 

As I’m reflecting with her over this past year I said, “you know Nevaeh, I realize only now that daddy and I were so focused on the problem we didn’t see the plan.” We couldn’t really. We were too focused on the problems like, “how will we pay bills?” “how will we feed the kids?” “where will you work or what kind of work do you want?” So on and so forth. We were so focused on the problems we were about to face we took our eyes off God and his promise to us in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you.”

            So here we are exactly one year later and it’s been a great year. Were attending a great church that we love. We look forward to worship and our kids are plugged in. Joel has had the opportunity to get back to his roots and write stories for the local newspaper as well as working with the Terre Haute Torpedoes coaching the masters group. God opened doors for me that I didn’t even know were closed. I’m going back to school in the fall and Joel will really become Mr. Mom then. He has spent the last year getting to know his family more. Become closer to our kids and let me tell you-it shows. All our children adore having daddy home. He’s the best! Don’t get me wrong at times things are tight and we need to rely on God to provide but the amazing thing-he has! We’ve had friends show kindness and help provide us with food at times they didn’t know we were in need, and we were. We’ve had friends give anonymously just to help at times when medical bills were high and they didn’t know. We’ve had our car break down a few times and right then God laid it on someone’s heart to give and help-and they did. We’ve seen God move in so many miraculous ways because we allowed the storm to roll knowing full well God was shielding us the whole time. 

More than anything as Joel and I were reflecting last night over this past year and we were once again reminded of the words God spoke to us 365 days ago. God spoke this in my heart, “Hailee-you don’t have to understand my plan. You just have to be obedient” I pray that as you’re going through the storm and relenting to God is a struggle-because it is. It was for us too. That you remember God has good plans for you. When we focus on the problem and take our eyes off God we lose sight of the plan. When we have full trust in the one who created us we can say in full confidence, “Lord, I don’t understand what you’re doing but help me be obedient to you.” I pray in your own prayer time today that you can say that to God. And if you have faced a storm in your own life and don’t have that relationship with Jesus then I don’t think you can experience the kind of peace I’m talking about here. If you want to talk more about having peace in the troubled times, ask Joel or myself. We are always here. Thanks for reading. Have a purposeful day!

Would God celebrate Veterans day?

So this topic is going to be hot-at least, I think it could be. I really welcome comments and feedback because I know people will have differing opinions, and that’s okay. I was really convicted this week about church, knowing that tomorrow (Monday) was Veterans day. It got me thinking, what does God want for our worship when an American holiday (Veterans day, Memorial day, 4^th of July) is near?  I’ve been in churches that don’t even mention the holiday, other churches that spend their whole service focused around the holiday and many in between. So my question is, what does God want for our worship?
            My dad is a military man. Since I was born he was in the service. A Navy man with great pride. He actually just retired this past March as Master Chief of the Navy Reserves (I believe that was his title). Because of his remarkable service and commitment to our country, I have become a very patriotic woman. I love this country and those who serve to protect it. I get emotional thinking about the price of freedom because I’ve seen firsthand that freedom isn’t free. From 2001 to 2002 (I may get dates off a little) he was stationed in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. After that, he was stationed in Kuwait for a year. After that tour he was stationed in Georgia for a year.  Freedom isn’t free, my dad taught me that. I’m proud of him and all he’s done not only for my family but for our country.

Like I said, I’ve been convicted of this and lately, I’ve just needed more Jesus. I don’t know how to explain it other than simply saying, I’m seeking him more. I’m trying to spend time ever day reading his Word.  I’m focusing more on talking about him with others. Spending time with my kids, showing them Gods love in action. Because of this, today for church, I needed Jesus. I needed to feel Jesus today, more than yesterday or the day before. I wanted to seek him in everything.  I may have a lot of people that will read this from my church and I pray their not upset with me when I say what I’m about to say. My church is one that, in my opinion, wraps their service (nearest Sunday to Veterans day) around Veterans. We focus our worship towards them. We cut out the songs to play videos or slideshows of vets. We recognize God and worship the veterans. I don’t agree with the way these Sundays (all Sundays nearest to the American holidays) are done. Today I visited a different church and I was surprised and slightly pleased that not once did the word Veteran come up. We started with worship. We sang powerful songs of Christ love and his promises. We raised our hands in worship. We listened as the pastor talked to us about money, of all topics. We watched a baptism and saw lives changed forever. Never once taking time to recognize any Veterans. Part of me wondered if even that was a little wrong. Maybe they could have done a quick, thank you to those who serve. Maybe they should have had any veterans stand up and we could have prayed for them. But nothing, not even a mention of the upcoming holiday-was this okay? I believe so and here’s why; Scripture doesn’t talk about corporate worship being focused on servicemen.  It just doesn’t! It doesn’t ever say to praise the Lord but put America first and I feel like when we focus our service on the holiday, that’s exactly what we’re doing.

***I don’t want there to be any confusion in my thoughts here. I think it’s okay to recognize the holiday, I just don’t want the whole service wrapped around it.***

            The Bible is packed full of stories of soldiers and war. From Joshua to Gideon, even Deborah, a woman, led a successful counterattack against the king of Canaan. God tells those who serve both their country and the Lord to be strong and courageous. Not to be afraid or terrified because the Lord your God is with you. He won’t leave you or forsake you, Deuteronomy 31:6. This isn’t a reason to change a church service to including lots of honoring people and little honoring of God. I really encourage those who are reading this to give me your thoughts. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe the Bible does talk about focusing on the holiday and I’ve missed it. Maybe I’m right and if you are a member of a church that wraps their service around a holiday, say something-change it! I think for my church change would be hard because nobody ever wants to upset the older people and that’s really unfortunate. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. God spoke boldly. He wasn’t afraid to lovingly convict people of their wrong doings. We need to get back to the point of worship. What does God want for our worship?! He wants everything! He wants us all. He wants our time and our attention. He wants our hearts and our focus. He wants our commitment.  We can’t be fully committed to God when were too busy worshiping America. I love America. I love God more. 

A day of Thankfulness

I know most people are doing a daily list of all the things their thankful for, and honestly there may be some days where I join in, just not on a consistent basis will I remember to do it. However today was different, today was a day full of times I said, “thank you God!”
           The first came this morning as I dropped all the kids off at school and had time, 1 on 1 with Nolan. He’s getting to the age where he loves to play and interact. He laughs and makes the BEST faces ever. I’m so thankful for time with him.
           Second time I was thankful came when Joel and I went to Ty’s conference today and his teacher Mrs. Akers told us what an awesome job Ty is doing! That makes three kids in school who all got outstanding reports. I’m so thankful for Ty and his outstanding efforts in school (Nevaeh and Connor’s too).

The third time I was thankful today came when I was driving to the bank and grocery store. I saw a man standing on the corner of the gas station with a cardboard sign and a gas can in hand. He obviously needed gas so I pulled into the gas station, waved him over and allowed him to fill his gas can up. I offered him a cup of coffee and sent him on his way. I’m so thankful for a husband who works hard to provide and that we have resources to get gas when we need it.

The night ended with me feeling the most thankful. I was blessed to attend my circle of mom’s meeting (great group of moms who meet monthly-if you’re interested, let me know and I’ll get you the info!). Anyhow, at my table tonight, as I sat and talked to the other moms, I discovered one mom was the mother of a child with a severe peanut allergy. We talked about the difficulties and fears that come along with a child in public schools and such severe allergies. The mom across the table kept getting interrupted by her son who later I would find out had severe diabetes and needed to have insulin and blood sugar taken/given regularly. We talked about how scary it is trusting others to care for the medical needs of our children while they are at school or other places. The mom to my right was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She is now waiting to hear from the doctor as to radiation/treatment etc. We surrounded her tonight, laying hands on her and praying asking our heavenly father to heal our sister/friend. I’m so thankful for the health of my family. I am blessed beyond blessed to have four amazing and healthy children and that I’m healthy-other than the occasional donut overload.

            So many times today I’ve been thankful for all God has blessed me with. Anyone reading this blog has equally as many things to be thankful for, if not more. It’s how you look at life and your surroundings that show it. Find the things in your life that you are thankful for and make sure to tell them!

Reputation vs. Character

When I started reading my bible today I was pulled to a section called, “Look Up.” I use the daily walk Bible and there are these extra tidbits to read about what the Scriptures say. Todays was so good I thought, nothing I write could compare. Here is the devotion as it’s written regarding Job: 18-19. 

Reputation is what others think you are; character is what God knows you are. And when your reputation and character are both blameless, you have integrity-the ring of authenticity in the life of the child of God. Integrity is behaving in the dark just as you would in the light. It is being what you say you are and doing what you said you would even when no one is watching. It is consistency of character, with no hidden agenda or twisted motive. Integrity is what causes you to tell the truth, regardless of how tempting it might be to shade the truth. It’s what prompts you to tell the cashier you’ve received too much change, to give back the wallet someone lost without first counting its contents, to drive one mile under (rather than over) the speed limit, to be one minute early, rather than late, for an appointment, to stand up for what is right even if you stand alone. When Job’s world came crashing down around him, he no doubt faced an avalanche of emotional responses: fear, frustration, anger, bitterness, confusion and bewilderment. Unknown to Job, a celestial drama was unfolding between God and Satan-with Job as the center of attention. God was inviting Satan to observe one of his choicest servants and to discover what a blameless and upright man looks like-one who holds fast to his integrity. Job’s character in the crucible of adversity was so remarkable that even his wife found it unbelievable (2:9).

I loved it! I loved how this challenges me to think about my character and integrity especially when nobody’s looking. What do I want my legacy to be and what do I want people to think of me? The other great thing I loved reading was that even as there was a war going on between Satan and God that Job couldn’t see, so is there a war between God and Satan for your heart.  If you’re someone going through a terrible situation right now, think about how the “behind the scenes” may look for you. Maybe God is saying to Satan, “Look at (Insert your name here), they are one of my choicest servants.” On the opposite of this, if your life is going great and you don’t feel Satan’s attacks, maybe you want to reflect on your life and ask yourself, “Am I a threat to the Devil?” If you’re not, it’s no wonder the Devil is leaving you alone. I want to live a life full of integrity and I want the Devil to be threatened by me. Making a commitment to read Scripture daily is my step towards making those a reality.

Comforting a friend.

Do you ever feel like when a friend/family member is in times of trouble and pain, you never know the words to say? I’m not great at comforting people. I rarely show emotion and don’t ever seem to have the right words to say. I usually end up cracking a joke to lighten the mood because tension and sadness makes me uncomfortable. I had to chuckle a little when reading Job 16. Up to this point in the last few chapters his friends have been trying to convince him that his sin was at fault for all his ailments. They thought if he just asked forgives for his sin, all the bad things would stop happening to him. They said, surely he was cursed! But he wasn’t cursed and his sin wasn’t leading to all the hurt and pain. It was the devil and his attacks that were causing the hurt and pain. After his friends tried convincing him everything was happening because of his sin, Job replied in 16:1

 

“I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you!”

 

That would be something my friends would say to me, letting me know I’m miserable at making others feel better. I especially love vs. 4,

 

“I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you.”

 

I think more often than not we find ourselves giving advice to people on what they should/shouldn’t do instead of just praying, listening and offering good support. I know I’m guilty of that too. I want to learn as the bible says to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I want to be wise in my words and if I’m just spewing advice without praying and listening first, my words may just be clashing symbols that don’t have weight or power behind them. I need to focus on being more like Job than his friends and I need to work on being a better comforter. Maybe that’s a lesson we can all learn.

A call to the leaders of the Church...."Are you ready to ruummmmble!!"

Recently some friends of mine found themselves angry at the Church, which unfortunately isn’t anything new especially for ministers who seem to always get burned, but this time it really struck a chord with me. The Church is filled with sinners; it’s an imperfect place because the people inside it are imperfect. However there are few who God calls to ministry. They make it their life work to serve the Lord in his house. These ministers are different than elders or deacons. Most elders/deacons are called to work outside the church and then use the Gifts they have been given to be an “overseer” of the church. The bible says in 1 Tim 3:1, “If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task.” Vs. 8 says this, “Deacons, likewise are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine and not pursuing dishonest gain.” For the ministers, the bible specifies that these men are also considered Elders but they are paid for teaching and preaching. In 1 Tim 5: 17-18, “The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain,” and “the worker deserves his wages.”” The pastors of your churches are paid for the work they do. They are given double honor or elder and preacher/teacher and yet they are the most un-respected and mistreated group in the church! I don’t write this lightly when I say that being a pastors wife is hard, trust me, it down right stinks sometimes. A lot of that reason is because we see our husbands, the Godly men who strive to serve and live their lives preaching and teaching the word of God being treated like stray dogs. People of the church bark and bite and then use God’s name to justify their actions. Shame on you, shame on all of you.

1 Tim 4:12, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

Yet filled inside our church buildings are, well we can call them “experienced” Christians (older individuals) who run the church based on their feelings, traditions and frankly their downright stubbornness. We run circles around these people because we don’t want to offend anyone. Well correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t remember Jesus being a people pleaser. No, he was a kingdom worker, a servant and follower of the Law and here to save the lost.

I’ve been reading Job lately and even though I’ve known the story of Job for a long time it’s just the last few days I’ve realized-I think Job and I would have gotten along well. See, Job was this amazing man of God. He knew God’s power and stood in awe of him daily. The devil told God that he could get Job to turn against God.  So God, knowing Job’s awesomeness said to the devil-go ahead and try-just don’t kill him! The devil did everything but kill him. Killed his livestock, family, gave Job sores and made his life horrible. This is where I think Job and I would get along great-see Job loved God but Job had an attitude. I love God, but anyone who knows me, knows I have an attitude (Joel would say a big one!) But God loved Job and he had a plan and even though we couldn’t see his plan we know it’s there! When Job was complaining to God, this is how God responded in Job 38, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?” The Scripture goes on, but you see the point of Gods response, you weren’t there. God says, I’m the creator, I made the plans, I know the path, put your trust in me. So we as pastors lean on God, take the beatings and pursue his plans knowing full well, he’s the creator, he’s made our plans we will follow his path. I often relate myself to Jesus, not that I’m anywhere near Jesus but just that as Jesus was beaten and knocked down, cursed, stoned, spit on etc, so should we as his servants bear the Cross.

Ministers, Elders, and deacons, here is my final thought: 1 Tim says you are “to be above reproach.” The job of a minister, elder and deacon don’t have to be as hard as you’re making it. Stop bending over backwards to make others happy. Do what is right according to the Word and your job is easy! Stop people please and start Kingdom seeking.

For those of us hurt by the church, remember this: It doesn’t matter how many times we get knocked down. It only matters how many times we get back up!