Monday, September 23, 2013

Truth about the pastors wife: at least how I see it.

Okay, let’s be real honest here, anyone that knows me, knows I’m bold, blunt and usually speak before I think. With that being said-don’t read this if you’re easily offended however if you do read this and are offended, maybe God is speaking to your heart through my words-also known as conviction!  

When Joel came to me, early in our marriage, and said-I think God is calling me into ministry, my first reaction was….better check that call again cause I’m pretty sure it was a WRONG number!!! I wasn’t excited then and to this day I struggle asking God, why me?! At the time I wasn’t really focused on church. I loved attending but also loved going to the bars, having drinks with friends, cursing when I was mad and not feeling guilty about it. You know, the kind of Christian most are-the Sunday Christian. I soon realized Joel’s passion for the church was stronger than my fear and saying “no” to God wasn’t really an option. So we began the journey and it’s been a long road of ups and downs. 

Let me also say upfront…the good times far outweigh the bad and the lives impacted are worth every “flogging” we get. Also, these issues I’m speaking of aren’t directly related to the current church we’re serving at but all churches. I’m blessed to be friends with many pastors wives and I know these issues are universal.  

So here’s my issue and my struggle-a sneak peek into my weaknesses. Church is nothing more than a building filled with sinners. We ALL fall short, we ALL sin but when it comes to church-I don’t think Obama himself deals with more politics! There is more entitlement in a church than in my 4 year old’s preschool class! (and we all know how 4 year olds feel entitled to everything!). I’m tired of hearing things like, “my” church, “my” worship, “my” “my” “my”!! Only second to “they.”  “They” keep complaining, “They” don’t like it when… “They” “They” “They” We can’t have the color of our pews changed, “they” won’t like that! Or, you can’t play that kind of music in “my” church. So the entitled do what comes natural-they complain. They find someone who agrees with their cause and begin to sharpen their blades.

And who gets the blame, the pastors-the ones there paid to spend their day praying, reflecting and making changes direct to improve the church. Those paid to be kingdom minded-not “my” minded. So stay with me-churches hire pastors to vision cast-pastors spend time praying, seeking and impacting, make changes to grow and reach more lives only to be crucified by the entitled (Still with me?!)

A good friend and our former pastor, Ron Otto said this about Sacrifice and it has always stuck with me:
                   Sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love more.

You may love the color of those pews-you may love the way worship was done-you may love the time in the service where you shook hands-but if you love Christ more, you’ll stop being “my” minded and allow the pastors to lead a kingdom minded church.

Specific to pastors wives, my issue is this: who do I have?! Who can I talk to?! I can’t discuss church problems with church members-that’s gossip. What about problems with my husband?! When we have problems, who can I talk to?! I Can’t talk to church people-that could risk his job. Congregation members don’t want to know their pastors have real life problems and old school pastors wives are used to hiding that. Long gone are the days where the wives wear dresses and play the piano. That stigma is gone.

Back to the church as a whole:

Joel and I try teaching Nevaeh about the time she takes looking in the mirror. We got great advice from our friend Tricia who also does this with her daughters. We tell our children when they take time looking in the mirror at themselves they aren’t looking outward at people around them in need. This goes for people in the church too. As a church body, we spend so much time fighing with each other we forget to look around. We want our church to grow but not at the expense of change. We have a handful of Christians who come every Sunday (and usually only Sundays) who don’t like something that happened in the service (music, announcement, changing of stage etc) and feel entitled to complain. How dare they change, “my” service. Worse yet is when leaders back into corners afraid of hurting peoples feelings. When did God or Jesus back down from something they knew was right because they were afraid of hurting peoples feelings?! Wasn’t it Jesus who went into the temple courts and turned over the tables!? When people in the church were acting like fools, he told them! Sure he used words a lot nicer than I would but he didn’t back down. He was bold, blunt and took action.

Scripture tells us to “be alert”, “resist the enemy” (1Peter 5:8,9) be on your guard and “stand against the schemes of the devil”. (Ephesians 6:11) So when irritation strikes … know immediately who your opponent is … know immediately he has schemes and plans in place that will at best steal from you and at worst destroy God’s people and their effectiveness.

Another problem I see overwhelming is Pride. A great article titled, The Hurting Church: Why we get hurt and hurt others, said this about Pride,

“God resists, or opposes, the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6) Pride is a killer. It is one of the subtlest tools of the enemy. God actually resists the proud! Who would want to be opposed by God! Yet in the church we often do find pride, but it wears a different cloak than it does out in the world.

I pray for our church that Joel and I are blessed to serve at. It has its ups and downs-right now we need more prayer than usual but God is faithful in good times and bad. Joel has a gift for seeing vision in a church. He’s passionate about the church. I love that about him. Truth is, there are still days when I think-just give it up! Many days I wish I could go back to being a Sunday Christian and not working in ministry but as I said earlier, every impacted life is worth every “flogging” we take. I’m sure all in ministry would agree-it takes a special person to be ran through the ringer each and every week-to be criticized and hurt. A special person-like Jesus who took so much more than these little complaints. Truly it’s an honor to suffer a little for the one who suffered it all.

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